It’s been a while since I’ve penned my thoughts. Doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking and growing though! I’ve just learnt to entrust my thoughts and emotions to the Lord, so writing is no longer the only way for me to achieve that sort of catharsis I experience from being heard and understood (when I write). Now, I just open up my bible apps or stare into space and have a conversation with my Creator.
However, I feel that I should start sharing again. To encourage others, to share about my journey home to God, and to spread some love in this beautiful, but undeniably broken world.
I went back to church today!
There, I’ve said (okay, typed) it. A lot of emotions regarding this step that I took. Father, I know it’s way overdue…
Before you brush this off as a humble brag, or send me love notes telling me that I’m going to be disappointed, trust me when I say that:
- I know that there’s no perfect church, and I’ll keep this in mind when I attend church service and interact with the church community and (hopefully) enter into fellowship with some of its members. I pray that the Lord will guide me in having a discerning heart when I listen to the direction, values and sermons of the church, while reminding me to accept imperfections in the church as an organisation and to love my fellow brothers and sisters precisely because of our imperfections and weaknesses.
- I don’t believe that going to church means I’m a good Christian or person. We’re all just flawed individuals who believe in both the grace and promises of our sovereign Lord.
I’m excited and unsettled at the same time. Being both introverted and shy, meeting new people and having to indulge in all that self-introduction/small talk-kind of thing…just isn’t my cup of tea. But I did it, and I survived.
As usual, Father, help me remind myself that You have Everything under control and that it’s not about me. It has never been, and it will never be. It’s about You. I may not always understand, and I may sometimes even resent the paths You have drawn out for me, but I will accept and obey because I know that whatever plans they are, they are plans to prosper and not harm me.
I’m ending this post very abruptly because
- My writing skills are rusty (sob), and
- I’m sleepy.
Good night, Father……