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Appalled.

That was my emotion when I realised that I didn’t write a single article for the whole of 2012. Writer’s block? Maybe. I guess I was busy and bothered by certain events that hindered my writing spells.

I was still under employment then, albeit as a part-timer. All things considered, I enjoyed being a part-timer. Less responsibilities. To give myself credit, I worked as hard as, or maybe even harder then full-timers. What originally started out as a half-day agreement bloomed into a full day commitment; there were even days that necessitated working overtime.

I loved those days. The job itself was ok; I was good at it. However, it was the people who made me love going to work every single (week)day. My mentor was still there, my sister was there, and there was SK (who surely must be the strangest 24-year-old that ever walked this planet…I mean this in a good way). We had great fun together. It wasn’t only about being able to laugh and have fun together; we were a great team, in terms of work.

Now, I often wonder whether those times are going to remain the best time I’ve ever had with colleagues. I mean, if I ever decide to give up on being self-employed one day, will I find such great people to work with again, I wonder? I miss those days, and those guys every single day. Yes, despite being happy doing my own thing.

Many things happened at the end of the year, and make no mistake about it, those events put a damper on our happiness in the office. Lots of misunderstandings and overly high emotions running, etc. Maybe things don’t happen for a reason, but I definitely believe in learning what we can from whatever has happened. As such, I just know that at the end of those events and after all this while of reflection, three things hold true for me, and they are:

1. Even if given a choice to go back in time now, I would still make the same decisions, but perhaps in a different manner,

2. I’m still young (and hotheaded…this makes me happy because it means I have room to grow), and

3. I still love and value the three mentioned above.

2012 was also the year my family did some regrouping and serious reflection. Certain decisions were made, and children found out more about their elders than they ever wanted to know. There’s no good or bad about this; what we do with that knowledge is far more important.

I’m someone who is seldom at a loss for words, for action…whatever. Problems, possible solutions, decisions, consequences, review solutions, look for alternatives, remind myself of bottom line, decisions, consequences, lessons learnt. Suffice it to say that this particular happening resulted in yours truly blanking out for half a day with serious panic welling up inside her. Hands shaking, heart accelerating kind of panic.

That’s life. Or rather, that’s my life. Always a battlefield, sometimes with myself, forever with the odds. Life’s taught me many lessons, and I’m sure she’s found me a willing and an apt student, albeit one who curses and shakes her fist at her sometimes.

End of 2012.

I’m still the girl with the big laugh and razor sharp candour.

I guess I’m still in the game.