I was waiting for my student at Millenia Walk last Saturday when I overheard a conversation between this couple. Or should I say, this man talking to the woman beside him.
Man: ‘If you compare a girl who wears those kind of short shorts, with a girl who’s wearing a micro mini skirt of the same length, the one in the skirt is always sexier.’
Man: ‘Skirts sexify things, you see.’
Woman: ‘I’m wearing a skirt what (sic).’
Man: ‘Not this kind lah. I mean those way above the knee.’
I see. Actually, I don’t see. Somehow, I felt this insane urge to slam the guy’s head against the back of the bench he was sitting on. That would mean breaking his neck though, and I would never get away with that, no matter how ingenuous a reason I could come up with to defend myself.
‘I don’t know what came over me, sir. My arm just shot out on its own and by the time I realised what’s going on, dude’s already dead’ just doesn’t cut it. I could always plead temporary insanity, but I don’t want to be confined to an asylum for life. (grumble…about not being able to do as I please)
…Lady, if you’re with this very poor excuse of a man, leave him. Pronto. He just proved his immaturity, inability to appreciate things on a deeper level, and most importantly, he just put you down. Indirectly perhaps because guys can be insensitive to things that women care about, but this case was unforgivable, I think. Why put up with this kind of nonsense? When he’s not angry, he already behaves like that. Can you imagine if you quarrel? I mean, when I’m angry I can say anything (and I mean anything!), but I don’t go for ‘target practice’ just to put others down.
Am I a difficult person to get along with? Let’s put it this way; EVERYONE is difficult to get along with, from the point of view of SOMEBODY out there. Ok, am I too difficult to get along with?
1. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
2. Be concise.
3. Try not to be narrow-minded, or at least, be aware and ready to admit that you are biased when so.
4. Fix your body odour (BO) problem, if applicable.
That’s all I ask. Different interests? Different religious/political beliefs? Different values? No problem! 世界大不同, right? Besides, it’s not a lifetime I’m expecting (to spend with you). It’s a fact of life that some friends do not stay with you forever, and it’s best not to hold on too tightly because both parties need space to breathe. Or at least, I do.
As for the BO part, I don’t mean to discriminate, but my nose is really sensitive. Bad smells just make me sad. Serious. I don’t want to be sad all the time…Mind you, I’m not referring to the smell of honest sweat from work or play; that’s a temporary state of being and not BO.
Perhaps I’m being really mean about the BO part, because people with BO can’t help it sometimes, but…I REALLY do have sensitive olfactory senses. And I refuse to be sad all the time because of that.
Back to the topic (whether I’m a difficult person).
One friend asked me the other day,
Are you those type that has to win all the time?
I never thought about that. I came home and asked dear FF the same question, and her response was,
I thought for a while, and said that I want to win when I know I am right. The next thing that came out from my mouth was,
‘But then again, everyone thinks that they are right.’
A memory comes to mind at this point. Went out months ago with D*****, and we talked about accumulative interest when you open an account with Maybank. Or rather, I asked him what accumulative interest means. Had an idea, but wanted to confirm that I was right (Hah! Woman, you have to curb this urge to be right all the time!). My dear old friend went,
‘Yay! First time I know something you don’t!’
That was the expression on my face while I waited for him to come down to earth again (he very wisely kept from hooting in victory).
That incident made me wonder…particularly about how I come across to others. Do I appear like a know-it-all all the time? Bleah to self if that’s the case. I must concede that I can be overly confident sometimes, and I do have the ugly habit of looking up something I read, and shoving it under dear FF’s nose to prove that I was right whenever we argue about something (I have toned down over the years though).
Someone I know once said to me,
‘You’re really quite pretty, but you behave like a man.’
My response to that is not appropriate to share in the public arena, so I shall refrain from printing it here. More than one guy pal has told me that I can be quite harsh with my words, and so should try to be gentler, but…hahaha, not working! A Taiwanese colleague said this very nice thing about me. She said that I’m a 千里馬, but I told her that I’m just a 野馬. A wild horse who has as yet, refused to be tamed. The only thing saving me from becoming a full-fledged rebel is my knowledge of the consequences in all that I do and how my actions would affect the ones I care about. In a way, I shackle myself with ‘chains’ knowingly because I know how disastrous the outcome would be if I don’t. Note that I said ‘knowingly’, and not ‘willingly’. Spirit/pride is not easy to tame, and when I get into a bad mood, I start to grumble inwardly and chafe at these ‘chains’.
I will try very hard to walk in the Path of Humility and strive to be less prideful, but…my core will not change. Speaking up when I see a problem, getting impatient at inefficiency, adamant in the values that I hold and the convictions that I have…this is me, and I will not change all these that I hold dear to accommodate another.
There’s a common belief that women should not be more capable than their men, or worse, women should play dumb in front of their men. I once read an article that hypothesised that modern men are experiencing the mid-life crisis at a younger age because their roles are no longer so clear-cut as they were in the past. More and more women no longer need men to be the ‘breadwinner’ of the family, and men don’t know what to make of that. In short, take away the traditional role that men have always played, and you get this ‘Er, what do I do now?’ syndrome.
Women’s roles have changed too, so we don’t have problems? Not true! Try being a good wife, a responsible mother, and a career woman who performs. Women are having trouble coping as well, but…we have better support systems, generally speaking. Those girlfriends, self-help groups, weekend cooking classes…all those hours of yakking (sharing to us) help in alleviating stress. Men have their ways too, but note how many of them turn to the bottle instead of the listening ear of a friend. Or both. I’m not here to talk about the stress coping methods of both genders though.
Go back to the ‘playing dumb’ bit. I seriously can’t do that. It’s probably my blasted pride talking, but my thinking is that:
I know what I know and nobody can undo knowledge, so don’t expect me to pretend to be a dumb-dumb when I talk with you. I don’t do that with kids (they make more sense a lot of times), so don’t expect me to accommodate you. You step up.
I share the same sentiment on this with Zsa Zsa Gabor.
I always goof. I pay all my own bills … I want to choose the man. I do not permit men to choose me.
If this makes me a 大女人/女王主義者, then so be it. I don’t want to be a queen with her attendant though.
And to me, that’s all or nothing.