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When I’m busy and stressed, I have so many things to write about, but when I’m relaxed (well supposedly relaxed, since exams and classes are over for the moment) I can’t bear the thought of ‘picking up my pen’. What an irony! *Sigh*

I still feel tired though. Maybe like what Flocke’s 主人has said, 整个11月好像没有睡到觉!Another irony? After nearly sleeping away the whole weekend, and conscientiously keeping to my thrice-a-week facial mask routine (Hmph! And you thought keeping yourself beautiful is easy work?!), I look *Ahem* more than ok. ( ^^ ) V Dark eye circles receded, and skin looks fresher. But still…TIRED!

Anyway, what’s the topic today? Not about my beauty regime, obviously!

Dear beloved sister,

Forgot why we were having this conversation the other day, but you said that if one day, just one of us would have the chance to go overseas and study, it would have to be me because I’m the brainy one. Well…I didn’t really know what to say to that…of course I’m very touched, but I would rather you go because I know you’ll cherish the chance much more than I would. It’s similar to the feelings I bear even up until now regarding my withdrawal from Communication Studies in NTU. After getting into NUS, and coming out to work, some people, after learning about my choice, exclaimed, ‘But that’s the course I’ve always wanted take!’ I know I deprived some people of the chance to get in; whether they actually met the prerequisites of the course is a moot point.

Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill, but I really feel that in life, a seemingly innocuous decision can have a major impact on others. We can’t foresee everything, but we should try to make responsible choices. So I fear mistakes? I wouldn’t put it that way…just that I think it’s smarter to avoid a hole you see, than to trip and fall into it (despite knowing that it’s there!). Worse still, drag somebody else down into the hole with you. But still, if you do fall into a hole…根性を出し、窮地から脱出しろよ!と、よく自分を励ましている。

私には、負けられないわけがあるから。

しかし、皆はそうでしょう。大切な何か、誰かのために、もがいてももがいても決して諦めない。とただの理想ですよね。…現実はそうではないかもしれませんが、私は諦めないようにしたいです。

Do you remember the song I learnt in our secondary school (for God knows what event)?

I have a dream for all humanity,
That we may know truth and dignity,
That peace on earth becomes reality,
And that one day we’ll stand arm in arm, hand in hand

Yes, I have a dream,
A dream for all the people in the world,
That peace, hope, & freedom shall reign,
I have a dream

I love this song, clichéd though it may be. ^^;

In Singapore, people often talk about goals, not dreams. Maybe even me, for when I went to Korea, I asked this friend, ‘So, if you don’t like what you’re doing now, what is it that you would really like to do?’ I didn’t intend to ask him about his dreams, but guess what his reply was? ‘My dream, you mean?’ I was looking for practicality and specifics, but he gave me, very simply, his dream. And it was a beautiful one.

If one day, you have that chance, do take it. Family should never become your burden, or anybody else’s, for that matter. Love should set us free, not hold us back. But to achieve that zen-like state of mind is, I admit, very difficult. It doesn’t help matters if your loved ones don’t support you…

Anyway, I still have my rainbow land, so bring your dog, erm I mean, polar bear along to play some time. He really needs to exercise more…

The Dreamy One